ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I love you. Go after that dick
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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