whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
