at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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