he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
