I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
