im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
