Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
