They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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