I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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