Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
