we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
