he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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