I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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