How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
