my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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