I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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