who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
