New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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