Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
