That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
