in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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