I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
