They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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