Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
