The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
