You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You smell like stripper and shame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
