she peed on how many people?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
