I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
