Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize