So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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