I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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