Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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