That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
