i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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