remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
