Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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