That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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