I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
