WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
