i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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