I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
