You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
