i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
