Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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