in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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