i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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