I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
