oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
