i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
