Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
