After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
