i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i out mim tonsoeep
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
