I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
