I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
