we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
