reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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