If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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