I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
