Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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