i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
