as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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