U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
