it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
