I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
