Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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