My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
