I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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