you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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