forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
