I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
