she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Operation Purity has been aborted
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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