Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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