I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
