Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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