Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
