apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
40s are totally the cure
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
